Glasgow Neds

Let me tell you about the Glasgow Neds. They are a breed far apart from you or I. They come in 2 sizes – the ultra skinny ones with sunken faces (usually referred to as ‘Junkie’ neds) and the enormously fat ones who survive mainly on take-away food. Both breeds dress exclusively in tracksuits and fake designer gear from the Barras. They like to tuck their trousers into their socks – not because they are cycling enthusiasts, but so they can shoplift and safely stuff their loot down their trousers. Charming, no?

They talk out the side of their mouths in a whiny, nasally voice and like to punctuate the end of every sentence with the word ‘man’. They are inarticulate, ugly, rude and stupid. They are proof that the human race is de-evolving and yet they continue to breed indiscriminately. God help us all...