Caledonian Monomaniacs

You may call them Neds but in 19th century London this particular breed of Scot became known as the Caledonian Monomaniac. They were so badly behaved that in 1843 one journalist even suggested that there should be a “tax on the importation of live Scotchmen into London,” so as to prevent them filling up the police offices and courts with their ‘monomaniacal propensities.’

Sounds like a plan but I for one don’t want to stop Neds from migrating South - the more the merrier! There should even be special Government grants to encourage them to leave Scotland altogether.

In his article entitled ‘The Deranged Scotsman’ the writer went on to argue that, “awful dangers may be expected to accrue should strange Scotsmen be allowed henceforth to go about at large without a certificate of sanity in their pockets!”

And he was right! Not only do these Caledonian Monomaniacs lack sanity but they also tuck their trousers into their socks and deep-fry their babies. Those bastards! Well, maybe not the latter but imagine how great it would be if Neds couldn’t buy a bottle of Bucky without first being declared sane.

Having potentially cured Scotland of it’s social evils I will now be running for President of Glasgow in the 2010 elections. Vote Cabbage!